05 September 2001
The other night my pal Alex and I hung out. We used to both work at the same huge e-business conglomorate but he got me the job there because you know, he can spot raw talent when he sees it- and we've been pals since high school. And I used to write his English papers for him when he was a senior at Columbia and I was a senior in highschool. And might I add that he maintained a 3.93 average and was the esteemed institution's foremost Latin scholar.
Anyway, so Alex and I got this hideous yellow van and drove it around blasting hip hop and throwing gang signs at Michael Musto and stuff and decided to go to my former/ his current, place of employment to wreak a tad of havoc.
This company has fired about 1/5 of its staff in the last year or so but acquired about 7000 more square feet of prime penthouse real estate in soho's most famous building. yeah. who knows.
They've got about 15 dry erase boards scattered across 3 floors and I took some time out of my evening to craft insightful prose for them. One board was already packed with schematics and drawings of weebles to represent consumers. There was a woman with an arrow pointing to here that read "staff"- next to it, a clever doodle of a smaller weeble that said "staff's kid." I thought the board needed more so I drew a little circle labelled "kid's poop."
I'm so grown up.
The next board I tackled was clear except for a reebus that "spelled" out 'In a Bind.' After a few minutes of mulling possibilities over with Alex "Pox minus ox? Polio minus olio? pants minus ants?" I managed to create the perfect word equation for "poopypants"- can you detect a theme here yet?
Upstairs, the massive firings are even more apparent. Huge loft floor with maybe 5 computers, and cardboard boxes full of personal artifacts. $4000 printer that no one ever uses. Anyway, in the back are these two huge long tables that sit beneath 2 huge empty bookcases. I made up a sign that said "designated napping area" and taped it to the wall there.
Two more dry erase boards were left. One featured some dumb quote from Donna Dubinsky- inventor of the palmpilot and one was from the arguably dumb, O.C. and Stiggs. Which, as everyone knows- I adore.The building started to creep us out. We used the videophone to record a musical tribute to Aaliyah, wherein I danced against some foamcore, recording studio background thing. Due to the jerky poor digital quality of the videophone- it was quite Hype Williams.
We peeped into enough elevator shafts and usability labs and decided it was time to drive up to Inwood and visit my cousin. I left the building, one pair of headphones richer.
I have to go to the bank now.