Oh mumsy, you so crazy!

Eff New Years Resolutions, here's a quick story...

So my mom has a "sleep disorder" or whatever but I like to tell her she is addicted to sleeping pills because I know it aggravates her. She claims her brain just won't "shut off" but that is a load of shit... it just "shuts off" when she is awake.

So New Years Eve I get home from Brixton at about 4am? (Left the club around 2:30 but you know how it is)... so anyway...

I get let into the hotel, knock on our room door and my mom answers it and asks about my evening . I tell her all about the nice mix of Brixton teen moms, non-descript uni types, cool kids and some random old creeps- including the awesome 40-something who put both hands on the bar and threw up. Who does this!?!?? WHO? Vomiting right AT the bar!!! Thankfully my new pal pushed me out of the way just in time.

I told her about the fucked up bus service and how I walked home in the pouring rain. And how I saw a fox in the road and how I danced tons... and that they played N.O.R.E's 'Nothin' 3 times and "Happy New Year" and all that.

So the next morning she is all "Happy New Year Babby! How was your night?" Apparently I wasted my breath for half an hour the night before as her brain had "shut off." This made me really annoyed so I just acted snippy the rest of the day. Last night, when *my* brain wouldn't shut off I decided to keep my mom up with questions.

"Mum.... do you think if I told you I was gay you'd remember in the morning?"
Mum: I think I'd remember something like that! ...
"Okay well I'm not I was just wondering."
Mum: Nooo, you no do. I mean... not that it's that big of a deal, but don't go bringing home any nosering wearing bull-dyke.. only 'lipstick lesbians'
"Haha. I'm not gay mum. Honest. I'd tell you."
Mum: I mean, you'd have to get a girlfriend that also wants babies! I need grandbabies!
"Yeah. But for real I'm not gay so..."

After I woke up today from my nap (after a day of shopping) I asked 'Remember when I told you I was gay?'
Mum: Yeah. But you're not then?
Mum: Yeah I figured I would have known.

Then she made fun of the new Pumas I bought today and said they were gay and that that's why I wanted them. Then I told her I was going to put her in a home.

Sorry to bore you with that. My best material will be unveiled upon return to the USA tomorrow. I shit you not. I must eat now.

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July 18 - 16 July 2007
Weekly recap. - 28 May 2007
That's Immaterial! - 25 May 2007
A Shalom to Arms! - 07 May 2007
YEAH RIGHT - 20 April 2007