Gobble Gobble Gobble

23 November 2001

Yesterday was both my mom's birthday and thanksgiving. Lie two-fer-tuesday, but again, a thursday. I don't eat turkey, so after picking on some manicotti, I just sorta bid family farewell and watched tv on a couch in the dark, but soon they all followed me there...and we all watched Guiliani host SNL on Comedy Central. Then my mom's BIRTHDAY had to interrupt this special television moment and we all had to go into the dining room to sing.

Most people went back into the living room but I stayed to hear the old people talk about the war and marriage and innocence and labor pains. My grandmother wanted very much to be a nun and I think there is a part of her that still regrets. My grandfather is the only man my grandma has slept with. I guess that's not weird when talkng about people born in 1915..but it made my mom and I roll our eyes and guffaw.

I also called my grandmother's mother "a sick fuck" but I don't think she heard me. God heard me and wrote it down. Hopefully my grandmother's novenas protect the rest of us somehow. I certainly hope they protect her- she spends so much time on them.

My grandma was then taling about how she still makes grandpa leave the room when she changes into her nightgown. This prompted a bunch of questions about her wedding night and did she know what to do. Evidently she went to get into her nightgown and cozy up in bed and was met by my grandpa's confused stare. "What do you want?" she said.

Recently she broke her wrist and her arm was basically immobile. She couldn't do or undo her bra and my grandpa had to help her. She was so incredibly embarrassed, she faced the wall when he did this- forgetting he could see her in the mirror. "Hey..can I lick those brown spots off?" She nearly died. WE at the TABLE nearly died. There was grossed-out, near-death family howling for a good 3 minutes as we tried to push this image from our heads. And also imagine ...we can NEVER bring anyone to meet these people ever. My cousin Jane claims she will not have a boyfriend until everyone in our family is dead. Me? I live in another country.


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