A Valentine's Day Treat- early

So I'm sitting in the dining room frosting a mountain of heart-shaped wee cookies for Valentine's Day (because you won't catch ME on the Atkin's bullshit! Remind to rage on that tomorrow for you) Anyway, so I'm singing a little song while my mom makes me a grilled cheese in the kitchen (again, you won't catch ME on that Atkin's bullshit) ..and the words go something like

"Laaa... la la .. I love my mommmmmm... and I love Miiiikeyyyyyy...."

Mom: Okay, if we were both drowning who would--

Me: Nooo!

Mom: I'm kidding. I always hated that question.

Me: When I was a kid I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about being forced to choose between the murder of my parents and the murder of my stuffed animals.

Mom: Hahaha

Me: "Elizabeth- Arthur, Tilly and Eleroo love you very much. You would see them die?" WHAT KIND OF A CRUEL GOD???

Mom: Whatever happened to Aw-fuh? (Arthur)

Me: He's around (because I chose him and not dad) ...I would also cry when fictionally forced to choose between stuffed animals. "We will disembowel Toby or Lamb-i-kins (gift from director John Hughes!) - choose now." WHY MUST I BE FORCED TO CHOOOOOOSE???!?!?!

Mom: Ha!

Me: JUST TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!


You see, readers, it is this type of selfless passion that truly makes me the world's best executive assistant.

If this little wordplay reeled you in (because you're a bass, and I'm a bassmaster) then I'll share another tidbit with you. When I was small I had a stuffed cat named Arthur. I think this is because I really liked Dudley Moore's role as a loveable alcoholic in the movie of the same name. Sure, we already had a loveable alcoholic in our house but he was never around for my bedtime so there was Arthur.

As I acquired more stuffed animals my mom would ask me what I would like to name them. "Aw-fuh." My mom would explain that there already was an Aw-fuh. "Okay. Aw-fuh 2?" She would try and get me to try something different but I got fed up and decided that from now on all the animals were Aw-fuh and I either would or wouldn't bother assigning numbers to the ends of their names.


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July 18 - 16 July 2007
Weekly recap. - 28 May 2007
That's Immaterial! - 25 May 2007
A Shalom to Arms! - 07 May 2007
YEAH RIGHT - 20 April 2007