A Valentine's Day Treat- early

So I'm sitting in the dining room frosting a mountain of heart-shaped wee cookies for Valentine's Day (because you won't catch ME on the Atkin's bullshit! Remind to rage on that tomorrow for you) Anyway, so I'm singing a little song while my mom makes me a grilled cheese in the kitchen (again, you won't catch ME on that Atkin's bullshit) ..and the words go something like

"Laaa... la la .. I love my mommmmmm... and I love Miiiikeyyyyyy...."

Mom: Okay, if we were both drowning who would--

Me: Nooo!

Mom: I'm kidding. I always hated that question.

Me: When I was a kid I used to cry myself to sleep thinking about being forced to choose between the murder of my parents and the murder of my stuffed animals.

Mom: Hahaha

Me: "Elizabeth- Arthur, Tilly and Eleroo love you very much. You would see them die?" WHAT KIND OF A CRUEL GOD???

Mom: Whatever happened to Aw-fuh? (Arthur)

Me: He's around (because I chose him and not dad) ...I would also cry when fictionally forced to choose between stuffed animals. "We will disembowel Toby or Lamb-i-kins (gift from director John Hughes!) - choose now." WHY MUST I BE FORCED TO CHOOOOOOSE???!?!?!

Mom: Ha!


You see, readers, it is this type of selfless passion that truly makes me the world's best executive assistant.

If this little wordplay reeled you in (because you're a bass, and I'm a bassmaster) then I'll share another tidbit with you. When I was small I had a stuffed cat named Arthur. I think this is because I really liked Dudley Moore's role as a loveable alcoholic in the movie of the same name. Sure, we already had a loveable alcoholic in our house but he was never around for my bedtime so there was Arthur.

As I acquired more stuffed animals my mom would ask me what I would like to name them. "Aw-fuh." My mom would explain that there already was an Aw-fuh. "Okay. Aw-fuh 2?" She would try and get me to try something different but I got fed up and decided that from now on all the animals were Aw-fuh and I either would or wouldn't bother assigning numbers to the ends of their names.

5 comments so far

previous / next

July 18 - 16 July 2007
Weekly recap. - 28 May 2007
That's Immaterial! - 25 May 2007
A Shalom to Arms! - 07 May 2007
YEAH RIGHT - 20 April 2007