If it's waxed, am i still a woman?

Whoever wrote that 'I Adore Being a Girl' song was totally over-compensating. Being a girl is 90% retarded followed by 90 varieties of excuse for said retardation.

Do I like the following?
*doing my nails
*trying new beauty products
*intense moisturization
*alpha-hydroxy acid containing formulas
*Real Simple
*eating yogurt
*cooking and baking
*buying clothes
*fasting

YES. But when dudes trim their nails, or buy a new pair of pants or read The Economist or whatever the fuck, no one is like "I am never ever ever going to take you seriously even if you knew how to fly and rescued me as I fell 40 stories off the bank tower from which I recently jumped, my white male "stress" having finally got the better of me."

If I stopped doing my nails and eating cottage cheese, taped my 36D breasts down all Annette Funnicello-style, it wouldn't matter anyway- I'd still be a girl; so I might as well pop the cake in the oven and wait for the spin cycle to end, spray down the counters with vinegar and water to save the environment as I disinfect, and wait another what... TEN years till I am totally invisible to the rest of the world. I can't WAIT! No more ...

call: "There's a cork shortage...that's why they started making them out of plastic."

response: "There isn't a cork shortage."

Wait- there isn't a cork shortage because you work in the cork industry and would know, or there isn't a cork shortage because I am A DUMB VAGINA-FACE?


15 comments so far

previous / next



July 18 - 16 July 2007
Weekly recap. - 28 May 2007
That's Immaterial! - 25 May 2007
A Shalom to Arms! - 07 May 2007
YEAH RIGHT - 20 April 2007