I'm totally EVENT DRIVEN!

Hey guys! Not sure if you heard- but I work for this hot shit investment management firm now and we (I mean, really I am totally involved in these executive decisions) routinely turn down clients with less than $10 million to drop. In this way it's kinda like highschool, where I would routinely drop my friends if I found out their Prada fannypacks came from Canal Street.

Anyway, I now find myself uniquely qualified to give "financial style" advice. I say "style" because I don't know anything about money, having had a distinct lack of it since just shy of forever, but I can, however, make predictions on various aspects of the socio-cultural sector (my area of concentration at Wharton. I'm surprised you are unfamiliar with it)

And now here is the first in a series of long-winded and obtuse predictions.

It should come as a shock to exactly no one that New York is thickly clogged with British people. I know where they are coming from (England) and I know why they are here (New York is way better than London. Let's be honest) and I am adjusting (lie) to their (constant) presence.

My fear, however, is that this high limey concentration could result in a recurrence of rampant 'lingo infiltration.' I recall with horror the period between 1997 and 2002 where perfectly adequate Americans were spouting words like 'snog' and 'shag' as naturally as 'yo' and 'whatever.'(Words that America invented)

New Yorkers! Let me now employ a very American phrase you are no doubt familiar with in the wake of 9/11- "NEVER AGAIN!!" If left unchecked, we could easily experience a nasty flare-up of what I like to call the Austin Powers Effect. The power to stave off such an embarrassing cross-pollination of slanguage is within your grasp and I have compiled a short list to aid you in your resistance. (Research. It's why I succeed)

The following are right out for persons on this side (west) of the Atlantic:

Bally (this is moderately acceptable for scholarly Wodehouse enthusiasts and when clearly employed in jest. Though I'm not sure what effect you would be trying to achieve with that. I'm not here to micro-manage- but I will, for a fee. Please call for more info)

bollocks (Also: dogs bollocks. Also: Sandra Bullock)

bloody (Mom- heed this)

chuffed

naff

tosser

take the piss (fine if you are literally urinating on something)

rumpy-pumpy (I don't honestly anyone in America would ever actually say this- I include it only for character assassination)

squigglebippy

negro's toenails (Okay, I made those last ones up. Again, to impugn British character)

Well there you have it. Remember America- these are the tools, and you are the handyman!

And now for my quick tips!
Drop it like it's hot: careers in advertising
Eat it like it's a tater-tot: tie-dye


Tomorrow: Getting "real" with 'Neo-Sincerity' (Not to be confused with Neo-Sincerity Capital Management, which is a hedge fund- I'm talkin about the IDEA!)


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July 18 - 16 July 2007
Weekly recap. - 28 May 2007
That's Immaterial! - 25 May 2007
A Shalom to Arms! - 07 May 2007
YEAH RIGHT - 20 April 2007