Ballad of a Sad Canadian

If you grew up in Canada in the 80s, like I would have had I not been born an American in New York City with only one Sad Canadian for a parent, or if I had been bad in a previous life- well then you grew up deprived of certain things. I'm not talking about freedom or awesome TV- I'm talking primarily about Cookie Crisp.

Cookie Crisp and all its crime-inspired imagery taunted young Canadians through their television sets only to NOT SHOW UP in the aisles of Loblaw's or Sad Foods or wherever their parents shopped for their children's gruel. It's bad enough they messed up Corn Pops beyond recognition but to skip Cookie Crisp entirely? Well, maybe it was for the best.

If you are small and living in Canada today here are some other things you are missing from your cereal aisles, or at least the cereal aisles of Parkdale and vicinity.

I bet you didn't even know the Flintstones were Mexican! Well now they are. Hola!

SWIZZIRLS, YIZZALLZ! Yallz like cinnabonz AND cerealz with milkz? Well shred up some morning fun with theeze awesomez!

Pfft! Theze are even better SWIRLZ! Cuz they strawberry and MINI so you can eat LOTZ! and deyz for yr toaster! HUZZAH!!! Contains one essential mineral- NUTMEG!!

Scooby Doo's hunting for a healthy new clue and a tapeworm too! Cinnamon and marshmallows combine forces to bring kidz a breakfast worthy of the Kellogg's name! A sweet part of a complete(ly horrifying) breakfast!

There's that awesome cinnamon again, coupled with bad spelling to deliver a tiger-sized kick to your throat! May contain traces of TOTALLY RADICAL!

Just when you thought they were Mexican.... they're not! They're MARSHMALLIAN! Now eat this shit before you're late for school. Don't tell me you can't go to school in a diabetic coma! Everyone knows school is not about listening and learning- it's about showing up!

This cereal is good enough for a crazed furball and it contains a real approximation of FRUIT taste! So effing eat it already!

K. Thanks for tuning in! If you are a sad Canadian please make yourself feel better by leaving angry comments. It's very important to speak up on my blog that addresses extremely important issues!

Also- MOM's diary.

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July 18 - 16 July 2007
Weekly recap. - 28 May 2007
That's Immaterial! - 25 May 2007
A Shalom to Arms! - 07 May 2007
YEAH RIGHT - 20 April 2007